Pleased to meet you …

So, according to the Washington Post’s Howard Kurtz, the San Jose Mercury News News Publishers and Editoral Staff want to “blow up the newsroom” and reinvent it in a form that could actually make money on the Internet?

Fear not, folks, I’ve already figured out how to do that, with my modest proposal to combine online gaming with Internet news reporting I call  “Worlds of Newscraft.” (yes, go ahead and click  there or here).

San Jose’s proximity to Silicon Valley should allow them access to the right people to pull this off, and make a pretty slick site/game/way to rake in tons of online cash, providing they are willing to pony up for top-notch game developers.

Now, does the SJMN’s site have a way to process online financial transactions? Hmm,. I hope they have a PayPal account, so that they can pay me for this…

bc

After last weekend I can say the end is very near. Here are the latest signs of the apocalypse:

1) Prince was better than the Rolling Stones.
2) A University of Tennessee quarterback won a big game. (There is now an 11th circle of hell I am sure.)
3) Prince is less controversial that Janet Jackson.
4) A University of Tennessee quarterback beat a Quarterback from University of Florida.
5) Tony Dungy is a world champion.
6) It rained during an NFL event. (Maybe Football is not God’s sport after all.)

* props to bc for collusion in this list

I love foreign commercials the linked example makes me want to lmao in real life.

FIRST DRAFT - Letter to Santa
George’s Private Journal for Posterity and Best Selling Authorized Autobiography in 2009.

December 21, 2005

Dear Santa:

I am delighted to be addressing you today from my Seat of Power in the Oval Orifice of America.
That sounds like I’m making a speech, doesn’t it?

Let us try it differently:

Laura asked me a few weeks ago what I want for Xmas, but I did not tell her because I am the POTUS after all, and what else could I want? A bowling ball that says “Homer” on it (I love that show, the Simpson’s)?

After thinking about it for a while I decided that it might be good during this depressing Christmas Season to right my thoughts down in the form of a sweet letter to Santa Claws, as a child might do. In righting my thoughts down, maybe it will help me think about how to do what is write and best for my country, my family, my friends, my business partners, and My God.

1. I want Piece on Earth, for all Mankind.
Ha, ha, that should be real easy for a powerful man like you, Santa. Seriously, though, going into Afghanistan and Iraq was hard enough. Can’t you do something to get the Talibanians and the al Quadians, and the Syrians, and the Hamasians and all the other doggone Insurgents to stop insurging for a while? Those consultants last fall said that everybody wants piece, and I believe them. All they have to do is stop blowing themselves and everybody else up, and then we can finish the job of making Iraq an American-style Democracy, and then everybody can go home happy. Well, we could be happy except for the bad things those daggone unreliable Intel people are telling us about Iran, one of those Koreas (East or West, I forget which), Africa, and maybe China.
2. I want Usama bin Laden (UBL)’s and Saddam Hussein’s heads on a platter.
For me and Daddy’s legacies as Grate POTUS’s, please.
3. I want everybody down where Katrina and Rita hit to have a safe and happy holiday. Those people had a terrible disaster befall them, and they don’t deserve the suffering they’re going through.
4. I want Cheney and Turd Blossom to stop picking on me and making jokes I do not get at meetings.
They also don’t think I see them Blackberrying each other at the morning briefings and other meetings and trying not to laugh, but I do. I notice it when they laugh and pretend to cough, and when they pretend to cough and say stuff like “bullshit”, and “idiot”. They are mean, and I’m doing the best I can for them and everybody else in on the Plan, and they don’t appreciate me. If they don’t cut it out, I’ll get them, I will.
5. I want my poling to get better.
My poling has really been week over the past couple of months. It’s nice that my approval rating is up some the past couple of daze, but I’ve been working really hard to get it up there. If I have to keep this up for the next three years it just mite kill me. Laura says that poling is overrated and that I should just relax and think about other things like she does, but I really want my fellow Americans to love me and besides it’s funny to read good things about my poling in the Washington Post (of all places!). Lots of little people who don’t even know me are writing all kinds of mean things about me on the Internet, and I want it to stop. The newspapers I understand, because it is their job to right stuff but who are these blogosfear people? Maybe when we beat the Chinese to the Moon and Mars, then everybody will forget the War on Terrorism for a little while and understand what a grate guy I am.
6. I want my Mama and Daddy to be proud of me.
My hole life I’ve been hearing “Jeb’s so grate at this” and “Jeb’s doing that, isn’t he wonderful”, and here I am the POTUS! What am I, chopped liver? Sure, I messed up some when I was younger, but I learned, and I beat The Grate and Wonderful Jebby to the White Hose. I’m a good boy now, I got Saved, and I proved that I’m better than Jeb, why don’t they love me?
7. I want a happy and healthy New Year for Laura and the girls. They’re a great family, and I love them.
8. Please let Alito be confirmed to the Supreme Court without any more trouble.
9. Santa, please kick Judge John Jones III right in the nuts while he’s sleeping. He really made some important people mad, and they’re all looking at me about it.
10. Please, can we fix the plumbing in This Old House? Ha ha, that’s a joke. Still it is really angering me that everytime someone that works in the Cabinet or the Staff goes out to a nice lunch, pretty soon later there’s something in a newspaper that’s privilaged information. What do I have to do to get our people to stop telling reporters stuff, Santa?

I do not mean to be such a big complainer, Santa, but this whole POTUS thing isn’t nearly as fun or as satisfying as I thought it would be.

Oh, one more thing:
11. Please help me stop thinking about Condi and Harriet all the time. I don’t know what’s worse: having Harriet mad at me and gone and me still thinking about her (even though I gave all her records back!), or having Condi with me all the time, so beautiful, and so smart and so close, and she smells so good… I’m only a man, but I know that if I mess up there, I will get impeached for sure.

Piece and Love,
George

P.S I spell checked this letter, so you can be sure it is spelled write.

-W

Click here to see the future of American Politics, courtesy db and bc.

Have you ever seen a cat eat too much string or ribbon? It comes out their rear, like dental floss for their colon. On the surface that is a funny statement and the visual that it evokes is quite amusing.

But there’s nothing funny about ass flossing a cat.

And how do I know this? Because I have had to chase a cat around a house for 20 min as it flees from its own feces attached to the end of a bright red Christmas ribbon hanging 5 inches out of her rear. The attached “gifts” behind her is scaring her so bad, that she puffed up to the size of a Butterball turkey. This is a sight to fear even the most jaded hazardous materials operators.

What’s worse was the poor cat is panting and so damn tired it’s about to drop. Why you may ask, because no matter how fast she ran she can’t out run that brown demon chasing her. This is a situation of understated and tragic proportions.

Now, several things might run through your mind as to how to deal with this situation. Do I shoot the cat? No might hurt the walls. Do I glove up and chase the cat? If I do what streaks will she leave if she makes it up stairs? Maybe gloves are not enough; do I have a spare HAZMAT suit around? No!

But I do have an old surgical mask and some gloves… that might do? (NOTE to self, cat is afraid of the mask and is now upstairs. Painting the hallway this weekend is a certainty.)

What happens if I grab the cat by the tail? Oh, what happens if I miss the tail and grab the string, do I turn the cat inside out?

My God, I am now chasing ten inches of ribbon and two brown demonic eggs.

This was an incredibly long and painful embarrassingly event. Let me just say that the cat was caught. The string was extracted and to this day, that damn cat is mad at me.

Not thankful at all. Not appreciative or even humble. Just angry.

I chased that thing around the house with ten inches of red Christmas ribbon hanging out of it’s ass and it’s angry at ME!

It never ends. Happy Fucking Thanksgiving

Over the last 12 years or so I have been looking at web pages I have seen some fairly disgusting things, there was the mentally ill resume, there are web sites of frat guys hurting themselves but then there is the review of breakfast soda. Please take a second and click on the link for Liquid Cereal and then tell me that, short of third world porn, there is anything more disgusting than; a can milk and fruit loop soda.

I dare you.
And you can’t, can you. The whole idea of milk, apple and cinnamon in a can is bilious.

What happened to the good old days of bunny extortion. Now that is some disturbing shit I can get behind. So for my money this weeks “Disgusting Web Phenom” award goes to Liquid Cereal.
Thanks BevNET for the Winner. Like Bongwater for the soul.

Welcome to a place where three friends are going to try to recreate some of their internal and external conversations in a manner that can be shared.