Pleased to meet you …

The editors of Time Magazine have announced that:
“You, yes you.
You control the Information Age.
Welcome to your world.”

Well… Then… Thank You.
I mean, Thank Me! Along with bc, I will accept this honor on behalf of me and I would like to say a few words to those that have helped me. And since I helped myself, I would like to thank me. Give myself a pat on the back and shake my hand. I really could not have done it without me and I really have to hand it to myself.  It has been a hard year with many trials to sustain. The publication of my book, “How I would have become ‘Person of the Year’ if I had done it.” is being postponed because I am the PotY. My movie “The Good Me” be being postponed in favor of other similarly named lesser films. The pictures of my vagina being worn by Britney and Lindsay, were particularly trying times.

I had many successes as well. The discovery of 368 new species in Borneo, the successful war in the middle east then the equally successful peace. My children with Angelina, and Katie; the adoption of all children in the conflict regions of Africa, were personal highlights. But nothing will top being being; me. I would like to quote a former president who misquoting me uttered a famous phrase.  

Simply:
“Ask not what I can do for you, ask how you can thank me.”  And the answer is CASH, small bills, unmarked and in packages of no more than $9,999.00.

It is with great pride and no small sense of accomplishment that I accept Time Magazine’s Person of the Year (PotY) award on behalf of me. And I’m not just saying that to blatantly drive Time Magazine’s web site hits and comment counts (and Web advertising rates) through the roof, either. I really mean it this time.

It has been a busy, difficult year for me; full of high times and low lights. When I won the Super Bowl and the Winter Olympics in February, I didn’t think my year would get any better. And as usual, I was right.

I’ve suffered natural and unnatural disasters, wars and elections, terrorism and ethnic violence, public and private rancor, disagreements and scandals, threats and accusations, resignation and resignations, vitriol and vituperation. Sometimes, I don’t know how much longer I can stand myself.

Still, I’ve also made some significant progress as a person this year. I’ve had scientific achievements that help me understand the miracle of my life, and my place in my world. I’ve struggled for equality and human rights, and I’m finally starting to come to terms with my responsibilities as custodian of my planet, trying to make it a better place with the time I have left to me. I’ve produced timeless art (like Borat), and learned to appreciate my history a little better.

Plus, my stocks are doing well.

Throughout it all, I’ve never been at a loss for words or pictures, though I wish I would remember to wear underwear more often. Those embarrassing paparazzi shots of me getting out of my car, whipping around the ‘net in a flash – well, hindsight is 20/20, I always say.

So, I’d like to thank all of the little me’s without whom I would not have gotten my start, eventually becoming the award-winning person I see in my mirror every morning. Most importantly, I’d like to thank myself for publicly sharing my inner self with me - in my words, in my pictures, in my music, and in my videos - so that I can see things from other perspectives, and in doing so, benefit from them.

Because we know who this is really all about, don’t we?

In any case, for those who were arguing against my receipt of this award, I can say with a clear conscience while I hold it over my head in triumph: There’s always next year. 

[But remember: Time is on my side. Yes, it is.]

Thanks,

bc with db 

© Copyright by the author 2006, all rights reserved.

So, the Iraq Study Group released their Report regarding the situation in Iraq yesterday, and from my perusal of it, there was no new news. Seventy-some-points, all of which we had seen or heard somewhere before (Except for the shocking juxtaposition of Iraq and New Jersey on page 6, which I expect will generate a formal protest from the Iraqi government.):

The situation is bad. There are armed conflicts going on between several groups, each with support from outside Iraq - a very complex situation - and the Iraq government and/or the US military can’t do much about it for a variety of reasons. The US administration of Iraq made some mistakes. The US and Iraq governments need help from other governments to stabilize the region, and etc.; all of it stating the obvious in detail.

Many people were hoping that the smart folks comprising the ISG would come up with a silver bullet that could bring the violent, unstable situation to a quick resolution, leaving a stable nation that was safe and secure for it’s citizens. The truth of the matter is that there are a vast array of problems, mainly political, and made worse by the levels of violence that the various groups in Iraq are willing to go to in order to manifest their views.

The one thing that the political leaders who do have significant influence in and around Iraq have as common ground is a dislike for the Bush Administration.

And on that common ground of hatred of the Executive Branch - I’m told some in the Administration are whispering - a political solution can be built using Reverse Psychology.

Imagine one day soon, Tony Snow has a press conference to announce a Major Change in Iraq Policy:

“The worst thing that can happen in Iraq now is a unified democratic government. We do not want that. We’d like to see Iraq remain in a state of chaos, or break up into three or 5 or 20 separate states, each struggling to remain cohesive. We’d like instability to remain in the region, if for no other reason than to keep terrorists, insurgents and other people seeking to disrupt civil behavior occupied and out of places like Syria, Iran and North Korea. We’ve got a solid plan of action that we’re going to begin immediately.”

“And this time we have a solid Plan B, so in view of that I’d like to ask the Iraqi government to not hang Saddam Hussein quite yet.”

Yes, it’s crazy, but is it so crazy that it won’t work? Some have said this idea originated from former SoS Rumsfeld, so it could be. It could be a plan that’s crazy and yet won’t work, that is. 

A final thought on the ISG Report: I suppose it was helpful to wrap it all up in a single volume, though at a svelte 96 softbound pages, it may not carry much weight with this intransigent Administration. If you were going to clout someone in the head with a book to get their attention, you wouldn’t want to use Jonathan Livingston Seagull, you would want to use a terrible phone book filled with the names of all of the people who have died in this tragic war.

bc

© Copyright by the author 2006, all rights reserved.

A Colt .45 Christmas [EXPLICIT LYRICS]

I am sorry for any offense this may cause anyone but the song “Violent Night” to the tune of Silent Night had me on the floor and “I Wish You Would Roll A New Blunt and pass me a beer” left me speechless