According to White House insiders, Vice President Cheney’s irregular heartbeat was returned to normal this past week after the Vice Presidential Tech Team Collective (VPTTC) administered a radical new treatment to locate and treat his heart.

Rumors suggest that President Bush personally authorized and directed what was known as “Operation Tin Woodsman” for the VPTTC’s use of Double Secret ‘Shrinkage’ equipment to restore the Vice President to normal working order. The procedure was performed in Karl Rove’s former laboratory in the basement of the White House, by which a submersible craft and crew were reduced to microscopic size and injected into Cheney’s blood stream in order to make a cardiac service call.

The craft, reportedly piloted by President Bush himself - using the call sign “Scarecrow” - successfully navigated through Cheney’s circulatory system, managed to locate the Vice President’s tiny wayward heart (which had been upgraded last year), and, using techniques developed for repairing the Hubble Space Telescope and for interrogation of suspected terrorists at Guantanamo Bay, was able to repair, relocate and restart it.

After the President and his Cabinet were reduced in stature by what VPTTC scientists referred to as an “augmentation and magnification of processes already underway towards the end of the Bush Presidency” to be able to complete their objectives, they regained their normal height once they were transported off of the White House grounds to an undisclosed location.

President Bush, relaxing on vacation at said undisclosed location, was reported to have enjoyed his short time of success saying,” If you can’t use your time in the White House to help your friends, then what are you doing there? For me that was some fantastical little voyage.”

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