In the face of political disaster, has the GOP become the Donner Party?
Instead of weathering the Perfect Political S**tStorm of 2008 on the National Campaign Trail, it looks like everyone of import has disembarked from the Conestoga Wagons of the Straight Talk Express into roadside diners, as Republican candidates, staff, and media engage in a most basic form of self-preservation.
In some respects, it appears to be a free-for-all feeding frenzy that even wolves would probably have no stomach for (we’re thinking that the last seven days of this campaign has been Shark Week) - Sarah Palin’s campaign appears to be learning quickly and is taking a few choice bites out of others after losing a few pounds of flesh early on.
If Republican representatives trying to keep House and Senate seats could not be trying harder to excuse themselves from the Bush Administration’s table, now they must be looking at the snipping and backbiting in the McCain/Palin campaign (Is that the Kid’s Table?) and wondering what to do next. In this case, some are bringing carving tools and flatware.
As it turns out, even during this most lean year for the Republicans, there’s always some Red Meat around… and even Ted Stevens’ tough old hide – but don’t call it Stevens Jerky - can help some GOP candidates survive if they don’t have anything else to feed on.
We thought it would be interesting to consider the GOP General Election Campaign timeline and see how it lines up with selections from the Donner Party timeline as on Wikipedia to see if we can draw any parallels
April - George Donner and his Party set out for the California Trail, hungry for the Promised Land. They believe that if they stick to the recipe that’s served so well for so long, they’ll end up fat and happy.
Republican Presidential nominee John McCain and his Party set out on the Campaign Trail, hungry for the Promised Land. They believe that if they stick to the recipe that’s served so well for so long, they can continue being fat and happy.
Neither knows for sure what’s going to be dished out along the way, or what they’ll end up having to do to survive. Or what the smell of cooking pork will make them think of.
May-July- Quiet months for the Parties as they pick their way over the heartland. Donner and McCain find that they’ve lost their Keyes; Sarah from the Donner and Alan from the Republican. Despite that, many people consider them a lock. In reality, they’re far from pie-safe, and falling behind their timers.
From the kitchen, rumblings of a Meal Going Bad can be heard — people are suffering from severe gas pains, and starting to call for their sous chefs, which is never a good thing.
August – Final preparations for the Parties are being made. The heat is turned up on Donner and McCain as they decide to take shortcuts –- and there’s no short cut to short cake, as they say. Donner strays from the California roll he’s on, and makes a decision to take the Hastings pass despite being warned against it. McCain considers running mates for his ticket, and strays from the recipe of making a safe choice and vetting it well. The Parties are hungry, and need sustenance for November. Cakes and candies may taste good for a short time, but they’re no substitute for a well-balanced meal.
McCain and other Republican Party candidates have been taking bites out of Astonishingly Unpopular Top Ironic Chef George W. Bush, and are emboldened by his unresponsiveness, though they aren’t surprised.
September – After searching hither and yon for his final ingredient for the GOP main course at the Party Convention, McCain impulsively chooses an item not on the menu, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Initially seen as a tangy dessert item for the Far Right to balance McCain’s Maverick-spiced meat and potatoes, it turns out Palin is actually familiar with hunting, field-dressing and preparing wild game. In retrospect, this may be an indicator of things to come — particularly with the Georgetown Cocktail Party and Rubber Chicken Circuit crowds.
Not long after the convention, problems that have been simmering for a long time boil over. The great big pot of American economy starts burning, and the Republicans try to save the concoction by throwing everything but the kitchen sink at it. Unfortunately, everyone at the Party rushes in to try to save it – some trying to stir, some trying to change the recipe on the fly, others fiddling with the heat - and the whole thing becomes a burnt unappealing inedible mess. The Party is ruined — there’s nothing to eat and still a lot of hungry people. And the Democrats’ buffet, once serving only George W. Bush, Cheney and Rove, is now openly serving all Republicans.
In September, Donner realized that everything was going wrong, that the Party was heading for trouble – out of food, out of water, and a rising mania stemming from fear and hunger - and that maybe he should have listened to James Clyman when he advised against the Hastings Cutoff, after all.
In that same month, years later, McCain realizes that everything is going wrong, and that the Party is heading for trouble – they are short on money, falling behind in the polls as the economy fell like a soufflé’ gone wrong, and fickle ladyfingers of blame are being pointed within the GOP rather than at the Democrats. Fear is the most effective utensil for keeping what’s left of the Party going. He suspects that Fred Thompson knew exactly what he was doing, after all.
October – There’s no substantive sustenance for the Faithful, and cannibalistic chaos breaks out within the Party: whippings, stabbings, denunciations and endorsements on the Sunday talk shows, fistfights, revelations in the press, guilty verdicts, findings indicating abuses of office, and support withdrawn like a formal dinner chair pulled out from under Curly Howard. Ron Paul’s name is mentioned without so much as a snicker-doodle.
It’s every man and woman for themselves, as they scramble to survive the approaching November weather. Prominent Republicans who are not running for office and the Right Wing media are taking huge bites out of the GOP in general, and of McCain and Palin in particular. There are whispers that Palin is keeping herself alive for 2012 by taking small bites out of McCain, and when Alaska Senator Ted Stevens is convicted of lying to hide illegal gifts, she takes a big shank for herself. [Is she covetous of Stevens’ seat, now that she’s developed a taste for National Politics? If she could, would she name herself to that seat?] Several Republicans are sneaking forkfuls of Palin for Troopergate, for overdressing for dinner, even for the way she speaks on- and off-camera.
Grand Old Partygoers at every level are lining up right next to Democrats in feeding off of the Republican leadership in order to stay alive. Though the Dems are enjoying their pieces a great deal, flavored with the satisfying spice of Karma.
McCain refuses to take big chunks of Bush and/or other Republicans, and has found himself as the Guest of Honor in the GOP piranha tank. Halloween could not come at a more appropriate time for the Republican Party.
The Donner Party only had 48 survivors, but it only takes 41 to prevent a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate, as the GOP leadership well knows. They may have left McCain’s Campaign for dead, but it is probably too late. The Relief Parties will undertake an accounting next year, but in the meantime, a more basic rule is employed — Do What’s Needed to Survive in the House and Senate and at the state and county levels. Just like in the Donner Pass.
Republican Politicians – they’re what’s for dinner.
Even for Republican Politicians.
Please Note that we didn’t refer to them as “the other other white meat.”
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