Washington Post Writer Joel Achenbach mentions going on Aussie Richard Glover’s Radio Show in his Achenblog item (aka Kit) for today to discuss the latest ”revelations” regarding the Roswell Aliens and a deathbed confession from one retired Lt. Haut.

I have some firsthand experience with the sock-eating Aliens from Another Dimension that inhabit the portal to Calibi Yau space via my laundry chute.

I’ve kept quiet about it until now, but as long as Haut has had his say, I’ll make my revelation now as well:

The Roswell Aliens were an advance party for an invasion from the Dimension of Lost Socks (DoLS).

Since they were used to dealing with matter in their dimension no harder than your average piece of clothing, their silvery balloon-like spaceship was unable to withstand an impact with a clothesline in rural New Mexico, which wrecked their scout ship and fatally injuring the Aliens. [Yes, they were clotheslined, which later became a popular defensive tactic in NFL Football during the 1960s.]

The US military recovered the bodies and quickly flew them to Fort Worth in refregerated containters, but in this dimension, the corpses quickly decomposed into their constituent piles of dirty socks (singles, unnaturally).

Of *course* the government would do almost anything to cover up the fact that the Greatest Discovery in the History of Mankind was two piles of dirty laundry.

Due to a housecleaning accident, the Alien remains from the Dimension of Lost Socks (DoLS) were washed and distributed to perplexed members of the US Military in Texas.

To this day, secret groups gather in New Mexico and Texas to privately commemorate the events of July 1947 with sock puppet reenactments.

I think I understand the Aliens in my Laundry Chute a little better now; their hunger for socks may be a matter of sustenance, but they may also be trying to recover the remains of their fallen heroes.

For this, I salute them.

And I wonder, if I send the right socks down, perhaps they’ll release my friend Dave.

Perhaps it’s only fair.

bc

Copyright by the author 2007, all rights reserved.